My title is a nod to a guy I once knew , Tim, who once said that I wrote and spoke in a flowery manner.
It stayed with me.
Here are flowers for answers to some of the most poignant questions that arose from my previous essay.
1. I do have regrets. I also hate feeling like I’m starting from scratch. Sometimes I look at old photos to remind myself I’ve done something whether it was in the past. And that I am doing something even now even if the steps are small, new or unrecognized.
2. I could not answer when asked what my purpose was. The results and experiences have moved too far away from the intent. Though for the most part, all I’ve only sought is to move past the limitations. To live and move past the limitations of my skin color, my stature, past the tensions of being poly-cultured, my own fears, the incredible sadness of my childhood and upbringing, past my mother’s mistakes, past all I internalized because of it, all that it projected and demanded of me and to move past it’s karma. To live and move past everything that was wrong about the life I was born into. I’ve only sought to make a place for myself in this contemporary life. One of my own design and control. That is really all.
3. In response to my fleeting ways; Please do not judge me for my mystery, for the frequent changes I make, for the sadness in my tone or for the side of the street I walk on. I am but merely responding to life as it comes at me. And sometimes share only that which I’ve come to understand or that which I think you can stomach.
5. In regards to the competitive nature of black women in the creative space – To compete, fight against, try to defeat or hurt someone like me in any capacity is like a being a well fed, well prepared and advantaged athlete fighting someone on a wheelchair who’s barely surviving, who simply wakes up everyday and gives life another try. Because I’m clothed in fighting gear does not mean I am fighting with you. I am simply fighting for my life.
in all, it boils down to making the choices that are right for you.